National Gazette

I tell you what. Get the nations financial details, account numbers, NI numbers, sort codes, addresses and what not, copy them onto a couple of PC World ‘Fifty for a Pound’ re-writable discs, whack ‘em in a smallish size jiffy bag, preferably the ones with the bubbles in, lick the seal and issue a Neanderthal courier driver in stupid shorts the responsibility of delivering them for you. Sound like a good idea chaps? It wasn’t me it was him. I didn’t do it! Alistair, Darling, baby, please! Somebody shave the swine’s eyebrows off while he sleeps tonight! I’m speaking to his partner, his wife possibly if he has one but then again he probably won’t be found at home this evening. He’s likely to be found in a private room at his swingers club. He’ll be drowning his sorrows with his regular rent boy as I speak, cradling one another and scoffing cocaine in front of a grand oak fireplace naked and entwined.

Competence Gordon you rotten swine I’m judging you on it and you have fallen short. Hell what am I worrying about anyway, the fact that most of the population’s financial detail were mailed to the National Audit Office by a young dumb member of staff at the HM & Customs without thinking and are now being traded on the black market shouldn’t bother me. I mean I’m relatively safe, I’m barley earning a living, I’m not seeking any benefits and my current account is only paying out at a measly .025 % interest, but somehow it is bothering me. Children’s names, birth dates and address are on those discs; think of all the perverts and Nigerian gang lords that can’t wait to get their hands on that information.

I was just waiting on a telephone call from my girlfriend when I turned on the TV and caught the news tonight, which has somehow spurred me into a complete blathering rage. I mean I’m taking a dump right now, typing naked, that’s how much it has bothered me and it really stinks but I don’t want to wipe in case I lose my train of thought. Ok that’s enough. In a time when restrictive rules are turning this country into a communist state, terrorists are issued with British passport upon emergence from the English channel and you can’t even let your dog ‘do his thing’ in the street anymore, without fishing it up in your bare hands and disposing of it properly, the government can’t ever seem to do a simple thing a securing data without ballsing it up! What happened to the NHS application forms? Punish these people, fire, sack, terminate, do our government know what these words mean? Is anybody accountable anymore? Is the honest tax paying, none benefit seeking, pay at the parking meter and run one minute over, regular Jo accountable? Of course they are! Alistair, use your floppy next time!

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